Facing a tough truth

So, one great thing that City Year provides its corps members (CMs) is The Idealist's Journey, developed by Max Klau, which as CY states, "is more than just an opportunity for open reflection. It's City Year's leadership development guide, written to support and challenge each of us along a thoughtful, intentional process of developing into the most effective and inspiring leaders we can be." A deep statement, that is for sure, but looking at it, you can truly see that City Year is not only dedicated to the students it serves, but also to the CMs it brings on for a 10-month service year.

To break it down for you, we meet twice a month to have leadership development, which is a fancy name for a bunch of trainings that would have benefited us about 3 months prior to the time we hear them. However, one of the best parts of these days is our 1 hour (sometimes 2 hour) IJ (The Idealist's Journey) sessions. I have never been someone big on reflection, so at first I didn't put too much thought into my answers to the exercises, nor did I share much among my IJ group. That began to transition though when I finally was able to admit to myself that I no longer knew what I wanted in life.

As my team leader (TL) so eloquently put it last week, I fell on my face pretty hard in the first half of my service (metaphorically ya fools!). I had lost the assurance of what I wanted to do in my life, I was, to put it plainly, lost. I think that is one of the hardest things in the world to admit, similar (in my opinion) to admitting alcohol dependency. By stating you are lost, you are grasping at straws, at any outstretched arm someone lends to help stabilize your ship as it sinks. Little do you know, no one can save you, you simply have to sink, admit to the world you fucked up, go back to the drawing board and build a better, stronger ship.

I left college with a feeling of "Lost" in life. I didn't know where I wanted to go anymore. I was at a crossroads, but the fog was so heavy I thought one step would drop me off a cliff. Coming to CY helped me to lighten this fog so I could see I hadn;t lost my passions or options in life. My TL, without knowing it, made me question, ponder, and reflect on my life and where it was going. Through this, I realized, and slowly accepted, how lost I truly was, which was a hard kick in the ass. 

I wrote what I think is a pretty great reflection that sums up me new blue prints for my "ship" (which, if you haven't gathered this by now, the ship is my life). This reflection came to be in IJ Exercise #13: Reflecting on Our Leadership after City Year. I will try to write this exactly as I wrote it in the IJ book...

"Prior to CY, I always had the plan to get my masters at Wayne. I knew this program would help me become a stronger applicant in a pool of so many stronger applicants. As this year winds down, one plan has not changes, I will be going to Wayne for my M.S. in Basic Medical Sciences. 

However, what has changed are my plans after that. I am now kicking it into high gear, studying to take the MCAT June 21, 2014 and apply to medical school this summer. Another big change CY sparked, is my new passion to become a Naval Medical Doctor. I would love to continue to serve in whatever way possible, following any doors national service continues to open for me.

CY has inspired me, pushed me, and driven me to become a better all around person. One who uses their passions to better the lives of others. 

There are no limits to what I can do, CY and its members have shown me that. 

I CAN rock the MCAT. 

I CAN get into medical school. 

I WILL join the Navy. 

I WILL change someones life through medicine. 

I WILL become a Doctor Without Borders. 

I CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO."   

It is hard to believe how many young people feel "Lost" following college, having earned a degree, but no idea what they want to do with it. It is my belief that we get stuck in a dead end job because we fear admitting that we are lost, that we no longer have a grasp on what we love to do.

To those that are lost, I hope that you have someone like my TL, that will be honest with you (though the honesty will suck at times), providing you with the right questions to ponder. Through that, I hope you can find yourself again, and in that, regain control on your true passion in life.

To those that know what they love, and are struggling to achieve that goal, I hope that you find someone (like my TL) that will never lose faith in you, that will continue to push you, and continue to hold you to a standard higher than you hold yourself. I promise you it will make you a better person, and strengthen you as an individual, but more importantly, as a leader.